THE CRAB DIARIES: GAS SPILL

GAS! GAS! GAS! It what is yelled at the top of your lungs to other soldiers who are in the area when a deadly or dangerous cloud is seen floating in the air.  You have only seconds to dawn your gas mask, clear it and to secure it tightly on your head.  In case of a chemical or gas attack, you can at least protect your eyes, the exteriors of your face and your respiratory system.  God forbid you have to use this in real life to save yourself and your other comrades, but the decontamination process is another important step you must know and perfect as well.  Anyone that has a decent amount of training in nuclear, biological and chemical training will tell you that by the time you smell, taste or touch the contaminate it’s already too late.  At that point you can only hope to escape the area as soon as possible and find proper help immediately.

Although I have never had to put this into real life situations, I think I created a situation that probably would’ve gotten anyone to evacuate.  I can’t exactly remember where we were, but I do know that my wife and I were at a train station preparing to either come home or to visit my mother in law.  Either way being amongst a large crowd of people trying to squeeze through double doors and down a set of stairs is not safe and enjoyable.  The worse was when my wife and I had to change trains and ended up on a PATH train heading towards New York City.  For whatever reason the transportation of trains was in disarray and we ended up packing like sardines on this one train.  I’m not cool with large crowds to begin with, but my wife, however is not a fan and can get very anxious when embedded in such crowds of people.

When we got pushed and smashed up on the train, we were very close to certain people and obviously, if you were not on your hygiene game that day it smelled!  Surprisingly, it wasn’t all that bad, but you can feel the tension of everyone being on top of each other.  This was not the scene of where I think I caused a mini evacuation of a train platform or scene.  At one point during our trip, one track was or train was available at the time and they had to pack as many people as they could in one stop.  For some reason I’m thinking that we were all rushing towards the train platform because it might’ve been the last train that night, but can’t say for sure.  If it was the last train for the night that would explain why we all were rushing and pushing for the advantage to get through the double doors and down the stairs.

In this particular situation when the call came for my wife and I, along with hundreds of other passengers, we all quickly walked towards a set of doors at the same time.  We didn’t know how many of us were going on this train until we rounded a corner and saw more people coming from the other direction.  Our thought upon seeing all these people heading towards the same set of doors was completely overwhelming.  After the double doors were opened it was like a huge amount of water pouring from a dam after release.  People began pouring and running down the stairs as quick as they could, but it didn’t help things for us that were still stuck trying to reach the door.  Suddenly the flow of people going through the door slowed down and it got really bogged!  I felt my wife and I beginning to separate from each other as it seemed like she was being pulled or pushed back.  Obviously, I was afraid that I would lose her in the crowd, get trampled, get left behind and whatever else could go through my mind that was not favorable.

By this time I reached for her hand and held her tightly next to me.  I was all but ready to get physical to make sure she was next to me and not left behind to her demise.  I could feel her getting very anxious as we continued to push through crowd to reach those double doors of freedom.  I don’t quite remember what she said, but she said something that definitely expressed her uneasiness with this crowd and the WANT of getting out amongst the ocean of people.  I soon took care of this when I felt a rumble in my stomach, and I knew for certain it wasn’t the rumble that was calling for the Porcelain God.  I might’ve whispered in her ear and told her I will take care of this crowd and clear everyone out immediately.  Within a matter of a few seconds this royal rumble that was happening in my stomach, finally exited through the rear and out amongst the hostile population LOL!  The killer part was that it was very silent and very long so no one knew who the culprit was.  The villain.  I have to say within a few seconds after that I looked behind me and saw a hole open up in the crowd like Moses parting the seas.

The hole grew bigger and bigger as we got closer to the doors of freedom.  It was even funnier when people tried to avoid that pocket formed that was now contaminated with human expels.  In the midst of the abyss opening up amongst the crowd, I heard one short woman yell out, “Aww! Who did that?!  These motherfuckers stink!”  Still to this day this was the funniest thing that I have ever heard during a situation that I caused!  Soon enough the smell of such gas being released consumed the crowd and made people move even quicker through those double doors.  Finally we found ourselves going through the doors of freedom and down the stairs we went.  I’m not sure or don’t remember what we did after that, but years later this is still something I crack up about.  Normally some people would be appalled or embarrassed about passing gas amongst strangers and friends.  I admit that this was my proudest moment of human expels simply because it accomplished two things: 1 – it got the crowd moving much quicker and 2 – it made my wife not feel so anxious anymore.  It was a very proud day!

Henry Scott

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